Death Bus 2010


So we survived the floating tin can. While I completely love the ability to climb into the belly of the massive steely beast on one side of the country and exit on the other, I don’t think I will ever enjoy flying again. It just isn’t natural. My brain starts trying to understand the physics of a ton of steel being held up by two tiny wings and it makes me want to hide in a closet.

I feel every bump with the teeth grinding experience of the best white knuckle flyers in the world. It didn’t help that about halfway through our flight the plane starting making some sort of whining noise it hadn’t made before. It might have been the wind but for about two hours I kept waiting for the top of the plane to peel off.

We landed in New York right on time and took the air train over to the subway. I knew I had really arrived when the lady who worked at the metro station began to mock my inability to make the stupid metro card machine read my ATM. I guess I can’t get too upset, Sheri was encouraging her.

Our adventure started early when the subway station which would get us to our hotel was closed. We were forced to take a bus. Not just any bus though. We had to take the death bus because we are fairly certain the driver was aiming for the pedestrians, the cars, the sidewalk. He would honk sometimes but this was usually followed by him stepping on the accelerator. You want to know how bad this guy drove. He cut a corner so sharp he almost hit a taxi. I saw fear on the taxi driver’s face, I knew at that moment we might not make it.

After a few more sharp twisty turns he let us out at a new subway station. I think Sheri and I must have been the only ones on the bus not from New York. I am guessing this because we were the only two on our knees kissing the ground thankful for having escaped the death bus.

We checked into our hotel and took a brief nap because we had to get up and head to see Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson. Today was not our day for subways though because on our way to the subway station which would take us to the Public Theater we ran smack into the Puerto Rican Day Parade. We could see our subway stop but we could not reach it. We ended up walking back towards the hotel and hopping a different train. One transfer later, we were there.

We got to walk around for a little while which was good because I found someone selling belts. My pants were way too loose and Sheri had taken up the chant, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.” One belt later I was able to put this silly notion to rest. We had front row seats to the musical but I must say it was a little too close. Got a neck kink and the constant worry of projectile spraying was never far from my mind. Bloody, Bloody, Andrew Jackson was completely wrong. It was full of inappropriate language and humor. It was a twisted take on history which made a mockery of many things our country was built on. We, of course, loved it because deep down inside we are 12. Day one isn’t over. Tonight it is off to see the wondrous Kim Boekbinder. I know you wish you were us but you’re not, so deal with it.

About csdaley

C.S. Daley was born in California but has spent most of his life in his imagination. His first short story written in third grade, the now classic "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind," was sold to his next door neighbor for a quarter. The neighbor promptly demanded a refund. An unhealthy obsession with the writings of Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, and Terry Pratchett have left his mind warped and broken. He spends most of his evening swilling down coffee while tapping at a keyboard under the watchful eyes of his kittens. They are there to make sure he doesn't snap. He likes to write fantasy for adults and teens.

One Response to “Death Bus 2010”

  1. >on the way home from new england wednesday, we hit a lot of turbulence. you would have hated it. i hated it. i thought oh no the plane will crash and held onto my seat while trying to focus on the in flight movie. obv we didnt crash and im ok. yay. glad you made it to ny ok. in fact, i think im so behind in reading, that youre back home lol.

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