Apple Face Plant

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The loud explosion that shook Silicon Valley the other day was Lord Jobs losing his mind. Apple does not like to be embarrassed. They are the manufacturer of cool. About every 6 months they call a press conference and invite a few hundred of their closest friends (by the way I am betting Gizmodo will not be invited to the next event after the whole lost, stolen, fell from the sky iPod 4 mess).

These press conferences are fairly predictable in presentation. We don’t always know the product but we know the outcome. Lord Jobs (or some flunky) will prance about like a beautiful ballerina showing off the brand new shiny toy. The crowd eats it up and then faints in orgasmic Apple bliss. After Apple throws buckets of water over their barely conscious human vestibules they all run off and write a glowing report which I can sum up in seven words, “It’s so cool! Everyone will want one.”

Now, I completely admit I am often one of the people who will spring for their products. I love my iPod, iPhone, iPad & iMotivator (okay I admit the iMotivator is really my wife kicking me in the ass but it works great. Inquire for rates but be warned she is expensive). The interesting thing is I don’t really consider myself an Apple geek (I am a geek but I do not selfishly hoard my geek love). They make a product I like and I buy it. Someday someone is going to make a product I like better and I am going to buy it.

That someday may be coming sooner than I thought. I have already grown quite alarmed by Apple’s blatant and open censorship policy. I am not a fan of people telling me what I can put on my hardware after I buy it. I am also of the opinion Apple is starting to resemble a big company which has lost sight of its focus and customer base.

Which leads us to a whole bunch of Apple engineers who are probably looking for work. This last week Consumer Reports issued a recommend not to buy on Apple’s new iPhone (this phone has been cursed from the start). It seems the dropped reception problem which Apple has claimed was a software issue is a faulty design on the new antenna (according to Consumer Reports). It looks like all the weird stories about dropped calls if you held it in the wrong place are because the antenna is in the outside body of the phone.

This is a major design flaw if it proves to be true. I have no idea but I am leaning towards Consumer Reports got it right. Apple has yet to respond in anyway to the magazine’s report. Well, unless you call censoring their own forums by removing any discussions on the article a response. They appear to be hiding and this is a very bad thing because it is what big companies who don’t care about their customers do. It hasn’t been the way Apple has handled anything in the past.

My understanding is the problem can be fixed by putting a plastic case around the body of the phone but I can’t imagine people are going to like being forced into putting something on their shiny new phone. I have a feeling we are about to see an actual recall on this phone. They will do it very sneaky like. Giving you the choice of taking the free plastic bumper or bringing in the phone for a new one (assuming they have fixed the problem). If that happens it is a major face plant for Apple. Hence, the reason I believe somewhere Lord Jobs is losing his mind. Hopefully for Apple’s sake this is not the first step to irrelevance. Hard to be the king of cool if your biggest product doesn’t work.

About csdaley

C.S. Daley was born in California but has spent most of his life in his imagination. His first short story written in third grade, the now classic "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind," was sold to his next door neighbor for a quarter. The neighbor promptly demanded a refund. An unhealthy obsession with the writings of Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, and Terry Pratchett have left his mind warped and broken. He spends most of his evening swilling down coffee while tapping at a keyboard under the watchful eyes of his kittens. They are there to make sure he doesn't snap. He likes to write fantasy for adults and teens.

2 Responses to “Apple Face Plant”

  1. >I think Apple engineers spent a lot of time working on the iPad and rushed the iPhone. But anyway, no matter how good the device works, the wrong thing on Apple's part is releasing features in gaps. iPhone4 gets mutitasking now but it has been in nokia phones for ages.But again, Apple made a great device, and it's gonna be interesting to see how the iPhone4 problems meets its conclusion.N

  2. >My two cents worth? (OK it might not even be 2 lira worth:)I'm more of a wanna be geek than a real one, but in my humble opinion apple will weather this storm if they continue to come up with cutting edge (bleeding edgy, maybe?) gadgets that do a few necessary or cool things really well.To give credit where credit is due (and hopefully make you cringe even more), you, Christopher are responsible for me being a fan of Apple.Now one of my favorite sayings about Cupertino versus Redmond is "it just works." I know it is lame and hand me down, but for the most part it is true.

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