John Cusack Cures Migraines


I tend to get these raging migraines which can last for days. One of the really bad ones (by really bad I mean I wanted someone to crack open my skull and scoop out my brain) lasted two weeks. This morning I woke up and it looked like it was going to be day 9 of this current migraine. It is a most unhappy way to open a day. I grabbed my coffee sat down in front of my computer and prepared myself for the coming head splitting onslaught.

Then like some sort of miracle elixir I stumbled across a tweet in my twitter feed which would prove the undoing of this mad menacing migraine. It seems John Cusack and FOX News have started a little war of words. Now I will be the first to admit that Mr. Cusack can sometimes venture off into the land of asshole (I am after all one of the legions of blocked Twitter followers he calls trolls. See earlier blog here) but when FOX News accused him of trying to stir up his most rabid fans in order for them to do harm to FOX workers. When they actually had the gall to say his tweet was tantamount to a death threat. I will admit to spending the next 15 minutes laughing my ass off.

When I was done the migraine was gone. You read it here first. John Cusack cures migraines! That guy has mad untapped skills. The first thing I noticed about the tweet was that it was spelled correctly and I could actually understand it. These are both things that don’t always happen with a Cusack tweet, I figured it was a good indicator that something had pissed him off. Ultimately, the tweet was just a sarcastic reply to the whole Mosque controversy.

FOX with its usual journalistic integrity has blown the thing way out of proportion in an attempt to deflect the fact their stance on the Mosque is just another way of spreading hate and separating America. I mean seriously, rabid John Cusack fans! They have clearly never met a rabid Cusack fan because I suspect the rabid ones are off somewhere having a good time altering their consciousness with their drug of choice (and by drug I mean anything that makes them feel better and this includes watching Say Anything for the 4,327th time).

So you go ahead FOX and try to play your little sleight of hand game with the truth. I am sure next week you will find some other celebrity, or politician, or talk show host to point your mean ass middle finger at but I am not buying it. Neither is anyone with half a brain. It wasn’t a death threat it was a fucking 140 character, all caps tweet from a man who clearly thinks Twitter is a fun place to go and piss people off at.

I am going to have to start raising some money now because I think Mr. Cusack was onto something with his satanic church in front of FOX News headquarters. I think The Church of the No Fucking Way is going to need a meeting place. I can’t think of a better one then right outside the Fox building because there is No Fucking Way John Cusack was threatening you. Don’t worry about my new building, my members aren’t physically dangerous we use our brains. I know this probably confuses you but try not to lash out.

About csdaley

C.S. Daley was born in California but has spent most of his life in his imagination. His first short story written in third grade, the now classic "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind," was sold to his next door neighbor for a quarter. The neighbor promptly demanded a refund. An unhealthy obsession with the writings of Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, and Terry Pratchett have left his mind warped and broken. He spends most of his evening swilling down coffee while tapping at a keyboard under the watchful eyes of his kittens. They are there to make sure he doesn't snap. He likes to write fantasy for adults and teens.

One Response to “John Cusack Cures Migraines”

  1. >I want to be a member of your new church.

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