Don’t Feed the Lions

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News media cracks me up. This would be okay if they were actually trying to crack me up instead of seriously delivering what they think is news in a manner which makes my side hurt from laughing. Don’t get me wrong I like to laugh. I am constantly listening to my Bill Hicks comedy albums on my iPod. I just wish I wasn’t getting a steady diet of it from talking head blow hards on network and cable news.

A couple of days ago I had my TV on while eating breakfast and this very serious reporter came on and began to interview a couple about the horror they witnessed on their honeymoon. They were down in Las Vegas visiting the MGM lion exhibit (I am going to assume this wasn’t the sole purpose of visiting Las Vegas or at least I hope not). The horror they witnessed and filmed was a lion attacking a trainer by biting him on the leg.

I know shocking huh. A lion acting like a lion. I would have never expected that in a million years. I decided I needed to watch this horrifying display of people hatred by those big lovable oversized kitties. It took me about ten seconds to feel really sorry for the lion. He was getting a bad rap. It wasn’t even close to an attack. It was a little nip and he didn’t even bother the other trainer. It looked like he was playing with his chew toy.

The best part about this story was how much the reporter and the couple played up the horror of it all. It was far from horrific and truthfully while I wish no ill will on the trainers I could care less it they get bitten. You play with lions and sometimes they are going to treat you like toys or food or whatever the hell they feel like treating you as. They are freaking lions. You know king of the jungle. Huge hairy beasts which feed on the flesh of mammals.

I understand the desire to see beautiful animals. I even understand why some animals might need to be in a zoo. However, putting the lions in a big glass box in the middle of MGM casino seems ridiculous and cruel. Calling it attack is just sensationalism. If I am ever eaten by a lion for any reason my family has permission to write this on my tombstone, “Feeding the lions is not recommended. They thought he tasted like chicken.”

About csdaley

C.S. Daley was born in California but has spent most of his life in his imagination. His first short story written in third grade, the now classic "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind," was sold to his next door neighbor for a quarter. The neighbor promptly demanded a refund. An unhealthy obsession with the writings of Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, and Terry Pratchett have left his mind warped and broken. He spends most of his evening swilling down coffee while tapping at a keyboard under the watchful eyes of his kittens. They are there to make sure he doesn't snap. He likes to write fantasy for adults and teens.

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