Weight Loss Sucks!

I haven’t done an update in some time over what seems to have turned into my lifelong battle to not turn into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I am having kind of a weird day because of it. I had an incredibly productive day writing yesterday. I got so much done I was actually getting a contact high manipulating words. This makes me happy. The downside is I am one week away from WonderCon and I have not made my first weight loss goal.

Don’t get me wrong. I am doing well. I don’t think I realized how much weight I had actually put on. I have been literally working my ass off. I am feeling healthy and my damn stomach (the bane of my existence is noticeably smaller). My first goal was to get back into the jeans I bought when I first started gaining the weight. The pants are one size bigger than what I want to be (and all the pants hanging in my closet are taunting me because I can’t wear them). Those pants would signal the home stretch (although, I hate using that word because it was the damn stretchy pants which helped mask my ever increasing waist line).

I have been exercising (very carefully because it has been injuries which have started the weight gain twice. Well, that and forgetting to not eat like a pig when I wasn’t exercising). I have been eating way better. I am still counting calories a little but have mostly tried to judge it by “do I really feel hungry?” I think it is important for me to figure out the difference between hunger and desire. I haven’t stepped on a scale once (which has eased my mind a little). It has been all about the pants.

I didn’t really set a goal for when I wanted this all to happen but I was hoping around the middle of April because we are heading to Hawaii on Spring Break. Then I started creeping close to the goal of getting into the pants and suddenly my mind fixated on WonderCon. How awesome it would be to wear those jeans and even more importantly my cool comic shirts.

Now it’s Friday and I have a week left. I am trying not to be disappointed in myself but I am. I can’t get away from the fact I let this happen to myself again. The first time losing the weight sucked so bad. It was hard and grueling. This time has been worse despite the fact that I had far less weight to lose then the first time. It has been mentally draining to have to do it again. This morning I tried on the jeans and I could button them. I can’t wear them because it would lacerate my liver on my spine. So close, but not close enough.

I will not do this to myself again. this is going to be my new mantra. I am going to make posters and hang it on the fridge. No more I am done. I know it isn’t all bad. I did get them buttoned. I am fairly sure that I am going to make the Hawaiian goal. By the summer I should be in or almost in my normal pants. I am sure by tomorrow I will be back to feeling good about all the writing but for now those damn jeans are mocking me.

About csdaley

C.S. Daley was born in California but has spent most of his life in his imagination. His first short story written in third grade, the now classic "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind," was sold to his next door neighbor for a quarter. The neighbor promptly demanded a refund. An unhealthy obsession with the writings of Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, and Terry Pratchett have left his mind warped and broken. He spends most of his evening swilling down coffee while tapping at a keyboard under the watchful eyes of his kittens. They are there to make sure he doesn't snap. He likes to write fantasy for adults and teens.

3 Responses to “Weight Loss Sucks!”

  1. Up until about two weeks ago, I’ve been having problems with wanting to return to my fully vegan life and really, really wanting to have cheese. I kept having cheese and feeling temporarily gratified, but not so gratified in the long term. Last Monday, I was able to pay off my car loan (thanks to a small inheritance from my mom) and decided that was going to be my incentive to really stick to my guns. It’s felt great. I’ve looked at cheese and thought, I want you so bad! Then I’ve walked away and felt a million times better than if I’d had the cheese. I’m only 12 days in, but I hope you can find the positive motivation to make it happen!

    • The desire to eat certain foods and the need to is always a problem for me. When I am exercising I am okay but sadly my back is not doing well so I have to learn to just eat right. I know I will be back to where I was soon. I am just a little annoyed I put myself through this again.

  2. Seriously I totally agree. I’ve been on Weight Watchers for all of 49 hours and 17 minutes, not that I’m counting; at least not minutes more points then anything. I never realized how much I don’t know about food and those damn food channels show casing cupcakes and B-B-Q ribs. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, yet I didn’t like getting out of breath tying my shoe’s. So just know, I feel your pain. I secretely wanted to push my daughter down today and steal her oreo’s.
    Sincerely I hope you reach your goal. =)

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